Thursday, May 11, 2017

Couch to Clarity



Life was beginning to wear us down! Our days were draining the life out of us, so 9:00pm was mommy and daddy t.v. time. He would lie on a blanket on the floor and I would lie on the couch. Occasionally, we have our cell phones in hand. On this particular evening, the periscope symbol popped up on my screen. When I saw who was broadcasting, I immediately clicked the button to view the scope. I listened to this couple have a fun and frank conversation about relationships.

It was early February and I began to feel myself sinking into a pool of emptiness. My heart was broken. My joy was gone. My church affiliation had turned upside down in the blink of an eye. I felt completely disconnected from God. I felt like I was talking, asking, and crying out to him but receiving the silent treatment in return. I felt like I was running around in a circle and not getting anywhere.

My husband and I were on the brink of celebrating our 10th wedding anniversary. I was clear that this milestone was a true honor. I knew that many marriages didn't make it to this stage so I was overjoyed that we made it and still liked each other. In the midst of this joy, I felt empty. My daughters were all doing well in school and in their extra-curricula activities. Their happiness consumed my world and always had a way of placing a smile on my face. Yet, I felt empty inside. I didn't have my ideal job but I did have a position that paid me well for my responsibilities. A position that gave me flexibility to serve my family in the way my heart desired.  Still, I went to work daily feeling empty.

There was something missing and I couldn't figure out what it was. 

I listened to the periscope and at the end, there was an offer to attend the Complete Women's Conference at RainFire Church in Douglasville, GA. I immediately looked at my calendar on my phone and didn't see any other activities for the conference dates. Less than 24 hours later, I was registered for the conference.

As time passed, I kept the conference in the back of my mind but I didn't make any concrete plans to attend. At the time I completed my household budget for the month of March, I had completely forgotten about the conference and didn't budget travel costs.

The time came for the conference and there was conflict after conflict. One of my daughters had a track meet on that Saturday. My sorority had one of its biggest events of the year on that Saturday. My bank account had $0.17. My attendance at the conference seemed impossible. Shouldn't I be at the track meet with my daughter? Since I'm the 2nd Vice President, in charge of programming, shouldn't I be at the sorority event? Wait a minute, how would I even get there with no gas and lodging money?

In spite of what it looked like, there was a yearning inside of my to press my way.

This was an example of when I gave my Best Yes to ME.

I unapologetically said Yes! My daughter did not participate in the first AAU track meet of the season. I missed the Finer Women Rock banquet. I sent a last minute message about housing opportunities and was blessed with a hotel room. I attended the conference and my many things things. My Return to the Well not only filled me up, but it also taught me/ reminded me of the following life lessons:

Lesson #1: We have not because we ask not OR because we ask with bad intentions.

Lesson #2: God will always make provision for you to follow His will for your life.

Lesson #3: Impossibility is a state of mind, not a state of reality.

Lesson #4: Self-care is paramount to fulfilling your life's purpose and destiny.

Lesson #5: God is always present and patiently awaits your willingness to listen.

Lesson #6: Your willingness to get uncomfortable will lead you to a place of comfort.

Which one of these lessons resonates with you the most?

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